Ron Hitchcock: The Non-Anxious Spouse 

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​Ron’s Newest Blog from Life In Motion Relationship Resources.
The Non-Anxious Spouse 
“Differentiation” describes a spouse’s ability to separate his or her own intellectual and emotional functioning from that of their husband or wife (Wikipedia, 2015). Spiritual maturity is another way to describe a marriage relationship that is differentiated. Spouses who identify as followers of Jesus and form their values around the teachings of the Bible that each person is a unique, unrepeatable, miracle of God. 
A differentiated spouse holds onto a non-anxious presence when their husband or wife is struggling through a personal crisis or chaotic environment. Differentiation allows you to come along side of your spouse in supportive and compassionate ways rather than making judgments or offering suggestions on how to respond differently to their circumstances.  Being a non-anxious presence means that you are relational rather analytical. A non-differentiated person typically minimizes the emotional process and tries to deescalate the level of anxiousness. This happens because they are uncomfortable with emotional responses. 
The differentiated spouse brings peace into an anxious system or environment by validating their husband or wife’s emotions and offering to pray for them. The characteristic of peace that I am describing is a heavenly attribute that comes from knowing Jesus as Lord and Savior. For Christians, peace is not an emotion but describes a person. Christians have a relationship with Jesus that allows them to extend His peace to others. This type of support sounds like, I see that you are troubled deeply about… Can, I take a minute a pray for you? Or, I don’t have an answer for what is happening, but I love you and want to pray with you about this….

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